Cockeyed

Just another DIY wedding post. I've been learning so many things this past week!!!

For instance, after purchasing impatiens and vinca for the terracotta pots for the dinner tables at the reception, a friend told me Downy Mildew (DM) has been annihiliting impatiens since it was carried up the eastern seaboard from Florida. The Impatiens Killer hitched a ride with Hurricane Sandy.  So, yes, maybe I've been watching too much Fringe but DM could be zombie aliens from another universe. Except it traveled over water.

Aunties came to help plant the pots. You are the best! 

I am happily putting my dress together. Sewing along, my machine and I hum like happy idiots. I find the sleeves not fitting in the armholes. Seam rip and hum. Examine the pattern. Whistle while I work. More sleeves in the trash. Back to the fabric store (picking up New Guinea impatiens along the way and no longer whistling). I wisely go to muslin for the sleeve. I begin to wonder if "ease" isn't a Rastafarian way to say insert the sleeve into the armhole: "Just ease dose sleeve in, mon." 

 A google search later confirms that ease is not just a verb but rather a nerb. Ease being a technique AND  verb (noun+verb=nerb). 

Try on the dress again just to be sure it really doesn't fit, when I notice that the darts are - shall we say -  cockeyed. And then everything begins to look cockeyed to me. 

Cockeyed

Which reminded me of a long-ago beach conversation with my sister
in which we addressed the issue of cockeyed
(being in our bathing suits)
 much to the eternal humiliation of my daughter 
who finally, wisely, went for a swim.

So it is back to the drawing board for me, as I struggle to retain my sense of humor and keep in mind all of the things I'm learning. (!!!!)

PS: Happy Birthday, nearly-wed, much humiliated Daughter. The moment you were born is etched in my mind forever. This post is dedicated to you and your wild stories.  xo Mom

Comments

[ettel dobson]

i don't detect any "loss of humor" in your attitue...you are hilarious. thanks for putting a smile on my face...great start to my day.

[Holly Hudson]

love love this posting! SO intensely true and very very funny....I have so much trouble just sewing a vest, let alone
figuring out sleeves & ease and now NERBS.... thanks, Diana
Holly

[Mary K. Shaw]

It wasn't long ago that I read your post on FB about you not being sure why anyone would want to read your meandering thoughts.....I do, I do, I do! Especially today when you make me laugh out loud! I love your cockeyed sense of humor Diana Trout and I am so glad you share it with the rest of us. Now get dose sleeves eased in, mon.

[Bess]

I very clearly remember that day actually.... the trauma is ever lasting.

I love you Mom! You're the best mother anyone could ever ask for, and I know your dress will look beautiful. Cockeyed or not. If people ask we'll just tell them its Bohemian, and since we will be be the trend setters at this wedding (I say that knowing full well that YOU will be the trendsetter with those kickin' shoes) and they'll have to believe us!

[Diana Trout]

Thanks Mary! I think all bloggers feel that way from time to time. And I've wisely decided to finish this dress within the protective space of a sewing class.

[Diana Trout]

Well it better not be cockeyed! And let's face it, I don't think anyone will be looking "there" at least on me. Vavava VOOOM!

[Wendy @ the Late Start Studio]

Oh Diana, if I lived within cooee I'd rush over and help! I'd even do it for you if you kept me supplied with coffee and occupied with chat. :)

[Jeannie]

LOL! And there in lies the tale of why I quit sewing my own clothes. Walking into a dinner party and realizing that the lining in the skirt was twisted. All evening I kept wanting to tug and re-arrange knowing full well that it would do no good. Thanks for the giggle and please know that even those of us who sewed their own clothes for eons often have to start over. Happy birthday to the bride to be!

[Diana Trout]

I am taking myself to a sewing class tomorrow morning and will finish this dress with someone who actually knows how to sew. Biting off More Than I Can Chew would be my Native American nam

[Diana Trout]

Yikes, Jeannie! That must have been an uncomfortable evening. I am so impulsive sometimes. I'm going to a sewing class tomorrow morning where I have a safety net. I must have been nuts. But really, there was just NOTHING that I could afford that I liked.
wish me luck :)

[QuinnCreative]

OMG, you sew like I do! Except I quit and you made a dress. I once sewed half of a velvet skirt upside down so the skirt looked like it was two different colors because the instructions said, "match nap" and I'd go take one. Your dress will be gogeous and you always are!

[Wendy @ the Late Start Studio]

I love it! Mine would be, Thinks She Can Do It Just Because it Can Be Done or perhaps If It's Not Rocket Science She Thinks She Can Do It.

[Kate Burroughs]

I hate it when the pattern DOES NOT FIT! It is hard enough to buy ready-made clothes that fit these days. All these size 12 blouses or dresses with armholes for size 2. Hello!!! What are they thinking a size 12 person would have anyway?!? I have been sewing since I was in junior high but when a pattern cannot be counted on to fit, it really makes me question sewing my own clothes. It is not like it is cheaper or anything by the time you buy the fabric, pattern, thread, etc. Easier to let the ladies in Bangladesh sew it and I just try it on to discover that it does not fit and don't buy it. I'm sure you will have a fine dress in the end. Good luck with it all!
Aloha, Kate

[Aloquin]

I know next to nothing about sewing (and less about how to thread a needle). I have never touched a sewing machine, but adore your well-written and engaging adventures :)

[Janet]

This makes me laugh Dear Diana...with you not at you! I made clothes for years and it is not as easy as they make it out to be! So when my 3 kids were married over the last half decade... I went out and bought the dresses! Kudos to you for attempting this daring feat. We hope you will supply photos when it is all over! :) Have fun!

[Diana Trout]

Match nap. And you are competing with the cat for his amazing ability to nap!

[Diana Trout]

I'm learning the process of altering patterns as I go. Not so easy. I agree, it is near impossible to find reasonably priced clothing that fit nicely these days. Which is why I'm learning to sew!

[Diana Trout]

Thank you Jen, It was cathartic to write

[Diana Trout]

I should have bought but when I was looking there was nothing that I liked! I will most definitely be showing off my new clothing. I'm gratified to hear you laughed. Even I could see the humor in this mad cap escapade

[Donna]

I gave up sewing clothes and switched to making quilts -- people knew my clothes were homemade but, in those days, a handmade quilt impressed them.

And if it's any consolation, we're all lopsided....

Donna